I’ve already reported as much as I know today, and since we’re still waiting for tests to occur and for test results to return, I felt the need to chat a little, if for no other reason than to fill some time on this rainy day.
During my required genetics counseling appointment last week, a massive amount of statistics and odds were said and I really had to control myself from cracking inappropriate comments during her spiel. 70%, 40%, 10%, 80%… all of these stats were based on positive results, negative results, family history and so on. It was dizzying and once again Mike wrote diligent notes.
At one point I wanted to ask; “what are the odds that we die in a massive earthquake right now, especially since we are in what looks to be a pre-war building built in the heart of San Francisco”; or “what are the odds that I choke on a hotdog at next year’s July 4th BBQ”; or “what are the odds that…” But I kept my thoughts to myself because she was such a caring professional and because I knew anytime I added my usual banter it would only extend the meeting, and at this point I was desperate to get through it so I could be approved for the genetics test.
Normally I’m really quite chipper and composed but every now and then moods and emotions kind of spring up where they are least expected. My case in point was made last Friday as we made our way to a Halloween party in Healdsburg.
Our first stop was Starbucks because I had the beginnings of a bad case of moodiness brewing and I thought a dose of caffeine might help me snap out of my funk. As I quickly guzzled my Soy Chai Latte (hoping for immediate results) we made a second stop at Safeway to grab a few snacks so we didn’t show up empty handed. As I walked the aisles, my mood began to compound with each pink ribbon I spied. First it was my favorite pita chips that had a big pink logo touting something about ‘proceeds to breast cancer’, than a happy employee announced over the intercom that another $5 dollar donation had just been given for breast cancer research, and then I used all restraint when the clerk said with a big smile, “Would you like to make a donation to breast cancer?” I paused and thought of my two optional responses. My first option was to wipe his smile off with sharp words, “Actually I’m living the real thing right now and I think I’ve given enough to breast cancer this month!!!!” But he was innocent and sincere and bless him for helping to collect funds, so instead I opted for the second response; I looked him in the eyes and said with a half smile, “No thank you.”
It all came crashing in later in the evening as I was downing a big glass of red wine (hoping it would help my mood because clearly the latte didn’t) and two of my dear friends asked how things are going? I got out about two words before I began sobbing. There we stood all 3 of us teary-eyed and hugging while trick-r-treaters we’re being handed fistfuls of candy just a few feet away from us. My tears surprised us all, but we had a good hug and some heartfelt laughs and then we fixed ourselves another drink. Sometimes, tears and booze are the best cure.
Last week while I sat in a Kaiser Lab watching my blood flowing into yet another tube, the technician made small talk about her upcoming Halloween plans. She and her fellow lab mates were all going to dress up as vampires. Pretty clever!
As I sat in yet another Lab today watching yet another tube fill, I actually realized how poignant her costume idea was; they just can’t get enough blood!