Award of Merit

June 8, 2009 at 10:15 in the morning, officially marked the end* of my BC treatments.

The radiation therapy staff gave me big smiles, warm wishes and an award:  “Megan Clouse has completed the prescribed course of radiation therapy with high order of proficiency in the science and art of being cheerful, has demonstrated outstandingly high courage and has been tolerant and determined in all orders given and is thereby entitled to this Award of Merit.”

The morning started off with a hand drawn note from Mike saved as the wallpaper on my computer and then for an extra surprise he was waiting for me next to my car as I exited the building.  He was grinning from ear to ear and holding the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I’ve ever seen!  I hugged him a good long time and let my eyes well up with tears.  It’s been a long journey!

Every time I begin typing a sentence on how exciting this milestone is, my mental words halt.  It is very exciting!  It is!  Yet, now what?  I’ve worked hard to get to this point and I’m so grateful to be disease free (since Jan. 6th) yet do I really want to step back into the “real” world?  It’s mentally complicated and I have difficulty processing my thoughts and emotions on this topic. I’ve looked forward to having all of you there with me each day; reading, listening, praying and commenting and I want to keep all of you close by my side – I don’t want to give this up.  For now let’s just keep it open, because I know I’ll have more to say and I don’t want to stop quite yet; not today.

*The last big leg of this journey is the 5 year drug that I will begin in a couple weeks.  In simple form, it is an extra measure taken to keep the BC from ever coming back.  As fire needs oxygen, my type of BC needed estrogen.  The drug side effects can sway heavily from one person to the other, so I’m asking for continued prayers as my body adjusts to this drug in the coming months.  In essence, I can have most of the menopause side effects but with the possibility of menstruation, and I’m still fertile (maybe even more so), but under no circumstances can I allow myself to get pregnant.  Fun huh!?

I always thought BC was simple. Remove it and move on.  Yet it’s so much more.   Thanks for being by my side since October 16th and now I’m starting to make it sound like a goodbye, which this is not, so I’m going to stop typing now.  xxoo

RP Diploma

One Response to “Award of Merit”

  1. Julie Says:

    Congratulations, Megan!!!! You are amazing and awe-inspiring!! Happy beginnings to the next chapter of your life!

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